What would happen if we just learn to accept ourselves? – says our guest blogger Nikita Rishton
What is success?
Is it the highly paid career?
Is it the big house?
Is it the new car?
Is it the romantic relationship?
Is it the target weight?
We always seem to be striving for something more, never satisfied with what we have and the here and now. Caught up in thinking if we just achieve this next goal we will be successful and happy.
But who’s standards are we living up to?
The societal norms?
Family?
Friends?
Peers?
Often we are so absorbed in what we think we want or need in life, that we don’t take the time to be happy in the present!
Do you ever think back to a time in your life and reminisce about the fun times or the happy times?
But back then did you really take the time to appreciate and enjoy what you had and what you had achieved there and then or where you too busy striving for more?
Why do we never feel as though we are enough just as we are, that it is wrong to be comfortable and not trying to achieve more success?
Why do we feel the need to be constantly busy, always rushing, working longer hours, making more money and maintaining the perfect image.
How can all these things make us happy if we are always going to be wanting more?
Maybe
Maybe we need to leave behind all of these thoughts and pressures that we feel and take the time to appreciate ourselves! Stop putting the pressure on ourselves and love who weare and appreciate how successful we are in our own terms of success.
(Here is another fantastic post from our guest blogger: Nikita Rishton)
We are always told we need the next new phone; pair of trainers, car, and every other new invention that will make our lives perfect!
We are surrounded by advertisements wherever we look, telling us what we need in our lives. There is a gadget for everything, even ones we didn’t know we needed. Call me old fashioned but I thought we just used our hands to turn on lights!
It is easy to get possessed by our possessions and become obsessed by getting the next best thing. We can get trapped in this cycle of wanting something, getting it, then the next moment there is a newer version we are told we need.
We are constantly trying to keep up, but it’s never going to end. This is why we need to think about, and evaluate our possessions.
When we strip everything back and think about what is truly important to us, the things with the greatest value are actually people, time, and ourselves!
Be happy with the real values in your life and don’t be consumed by consumerism.
(This is an excellent post from our guest blogger: Nikita Rishton)
In 2021 there is no doubt going to be very little escape from technology. Although technology is a useful tool; especially whilst living through a global pandemic, it can also have negative impacts upon us.
To maintain a healthy relationship with technology it is important to draw boundaries and avoid becoming consumed by it.
The term technology covers many bases from phones and computers to gadgets we may find around our home. This is going to focus on arguably the most used piece of technology today… the smart phone!
Problems arise from technology when items that are designed to make our life easier actually start to have the opposite affects. If this happens it could be time for us to take a step back and re-evaluate our use of technology.
We have our phones with us almost all day so it is important that we do not create a toxic relationship with them. At times we can get so wrapped up in our virtual lives that we forget to live our real lives!
There is a phone application for everything these days; for working, studying, socialising, gaming, the list goes on. The problem with this is that every time we look at our phones there are so many apps all grabbing our attention with their notifications. This can become chaotic and even stressful when we are trying to manage different aspects of our lives through this little screen.
Now could be the time to clean up our phones!
To do this we can: Have the same attitude to your phone as you would your living space. If its messy and chaotic we can feel overwhelmed and stressed. If it’s clean and tidy we feel calmer and more relaxed.
Look at every app and think about how it makes you feel.
If there are any that bring stress then evaluate, do you really need it?
If you do really need it can it be on another device?
Are there any that haven’t been used recently? If so then delete it!
Can we condense our social media to one platform? Maybe the one we enjoy the most or the one that is a calmer happier place to be!
It is time of us to reclaim our right to a full night of sleep. In doing so, we can be reunited with that most powerful elixir of wellness and vitality. Then we may remember what it feels like to be truly awake during the day.
Matthew Walker – Why We Sleep
Research shows that sleep plays a vital role in pretty much every system in the body. This includes cognitive functioning and our emotional state. So, when life seems to be throwing everything at you, one thing you can do to increase resilience and maximise your performance is to get enough sleep (and yes that is 8 hours).
It’s so easy to sacrifice sleep when you’ve got a lot to do, or when a good party or staying up late chatting with friends beckons. However, the impacts of sleep deprivation soon build up, so it is highly recommended to catch up with sleep and get back into a routine as soon as you can. For now, I will let the evidence (Walker, 2017) speak for itself and focus on what you might do to improve sleep.
When we’re struggling with stress, worry or low mood, often this shows up as disrupted sleep: struggling to get to sleep, or waking up during the night, or waking up too early (or all of these!). Then the lack of sleep exacerbates the problems we were struggling with. So for example, you’re worrying about an assignment and you can’t sleep, then the lack of sleep hinders concentration, focus, memory, cognitive functioning, emotional balance etc. Which then makes it even harder to get the work done. So you get even more stressed out. Sound familiar?
So clearly, it’s important to do our best to break out of this vicious cycle. The rest of this article focuses on tips to improve sleep so keep reading. And here is a guided meditation to help you settle for sleep, give it a try and let us know what you think.
A Bodyscan Meditation to Help Prepare for Sleep
Things to avoid or reduce:
Cut out caffeine from 6:00 pm onwards
Avoid computer games that get lots of adrenaline going, close to bedtime
Bed is for sleeping (or sex) don’t work in bed or watch telly and
It is best to avoid all screen based devices, so put away your laptop, tablet or phone
Turn off the phone, or put it on airplane mode and a few feet away from the bed
Alcohol seems to help at the time because of it’s temporary sedative effects, but later on it causes all sorts of rebound problems, and disrupts the sleep rhythms.
It is likely that alcohol interferes with a range of essential psychophysiological processes that happen in our sleep, so make sure you have enough nights of sleep without alcohol to catch up with essential REM sleep etc.
Nicotine is a stimulant, smoking close to bedtime will make it harder to settle
Avoid a heavy meal close to bedtime
Things that help with sleep
During the day, getting some exercise and exposure to some daylight is a good idea
Get bedding, duvet and pillow to suit you, if possible arrange the room so it feels ‘right’ to you
A nice warm herb tea is comforting (there are lots to choose from, try Camomile)
Have a good sleep routine, waking up and going to bed at the same time every day
A good bedtime routine helps, do things that are calming: reading, bath/shower, brush teeth, getting makeup off, changing into comfortable sleep clothes, listening to music, meditating, very gentle stretching
Reading in bed or listening to music or guided meditations is good
Have enough water during the evening, have some water beside the bed and have a sip before settling, have a sip if you wake up in the night (tea, coffee and alcohol will make you want to pee in the night, but water doesn’t irritate the bladder so works just fine)
The room should not be too hot, in particular cool your feet, try sticking them out of the covers, try and get some good ventilation
Get the room as dark as you can
If the environment is noisy you could try earplugs, or headphones to play ambeint sounds or ‘white noise’
There are lots of aromatherapy herbs worth exploring, Lavender is worth a try, just put a few drops on a tissue somewhere in the room
Strategies for when the mind is overactive, when we’re trying to switch off for sleep
Reduce the adrenalin in the system, here are a few more ideas to turn down the ‘activation dial’: This calming breath exercise, guided safe place visualisation, think of 5 things you are grateful for, remembering a time when you felt safe and relaxed
If there is a persistent thought of something you have to do, it is probably trying to remind you of something important. Acknowledge it and write it down on your list of important things to consider the next day. Out of your mind and on to your list.
Step back from ruminative thinking, learning to let go. This might not be easy but is one of the most important mental skills we can learn. Mindfulness teaches us to get better at this; here’s an introduction
The guided meditation above has been specifically designed to help you settle for sleep, listen to it in bed so that you can fall to sleep without having to get up. You can also play it if you wake up in the night. We can’t force ourselves to go to sleep, so be gentle with yourself. And if you don’t always fall asleep then you’ve got a win-win, because you’ve done you daily meditation instead.
I really like this band and while listening to their stuff I came across this interview. As well has being in a band that write great songs, and having an amazing voice, the lead singer Conor is really articulate about mental health. I’ll let him speak for himself…
If you’d like to come along to our Wellbeing ‘keep fit’ class, that draws on Movement, Yoga and Mindfulness then take a look at this info about the Friday ‘virtual’ sessions.
“Mental health problems can affect anyone, any day of the year, but 10 October is a great day to show your support for better mental health and start looking after your own wellbeing” (Mind)
Between us, our team has about a hundred years of experience of supporting students (slight exaggeration maybe 😊!).
Here we’ve collected together the main things we’ve found that might be helpful to you as you begin your journey here at University.
We’re also drawing on things that final year students have told us they wished they’d known when they started. Things they wished they could’ve gone back and told their younger self. So now you get the benefit of that too.
Settling into Univeristy Life
It’s natural and OK to be nervous: don’t get caught up in thinking everyone else is confident, that they know what they are doing. Most of us came to university terrified! Just let it be. Be curious, explore, get to know the person next to you, and your tutor, the person in the café/shop/local pub. Explore the nearest fell, learn to meditate, and before you know it, you’ll start to relax and get into the flow of university life.
There’s so much to do! Starting University often brings with it a lot of things that need to be done. Registration, student finance, preparing for lectures etc. Making a list of everything that needs to be done can help you to prepare and makes sure you don’t forget anything important.
While it’s a busy, exciting time, it can be easy to get swept up with all the things that need to be done. Remember to take some time for self-care that allows you to rest and recharge both physically and mentally. Don’t feel that you need to spend all your time being busy, you need some time to yourself.
You won’t be the first person coming to university to feel homesick: It might be frightening or upsetting if you’ve moved away from home for the first time, and your parents/family/loved ones have left after dropping you off. Feeling this way is perfectly normal and will soon pass.
Getting involved in an activity or socialising will help to give you something else to focus on. Living independently might feel overwhelming for the first days or weeks; adding a routine and some structure to your day will help you to settle in.
If the weather’s nice (or if you’ve got some bracing Cumbria weather then put on some warm clothes), and you’ve got some free time, a walk around campus is good exercise, which usually improves mood. It also allows you a chance to familiarise yourself with the campus, which helps to avoid trying to find your lecture or meeting on the day.
Balance: Although your university work is of course important, try not to lose perspective when it comes to your studies; remember you are more than a grade and it does not define you.
If you feel yourself becoming overwhelmed by deadlines and exams, get organised! Create a revision/essay timetable, breaking down your work into smaller, digestible chunks. That way you know what you need to complete and when.
Don’t overdo it. Try not to study any longer than you would if you were doing an average working day (around 7 hours). Allow for plenty of breaks and be boundaried. For example, if you have a lot of work, then study 9am to 6pm (with several breaks), and then mark the end of study time by doing a self-care activity, whether that be coffee with a friend, a walk or gym session or your favourite hobby.
Routines and Self-Care: When we feel worried or stressed, we might struggle to relax or sleep, which can then lead to getting more tired. We can start to lose touch with things we used to enjoy or give us pleasure, things that sustain us, eating and sleeping properly, getting some exercise. And all this makes it harder to concentrate, which then creates more stress. So, what can we do to help ourselves out of this cycle?
Get into a routine with sleep, preparing meals, and exercise
Make time to do things you enjoy, chatting with people, a hobby…
Stay ‘connected’ with others, especially spending time around positive and supportive people
Doing something that gives you a sense of achievement for example, learning something new or completing a piece of work
Time to pause, relax and reflect. Check in with yourself at the end of the day, reflect on what you have achieved and what gave you a sense of pleasure and closeness
These things help to nourish both our mind and body
Light at the end of the tunnel
Try something new: Coming to University can be a time to push yourself outside of your comfort zone. Although we are constrained by Covid, where possible, maybe it’s time to try something new. Take a fresh look at the societies and clubs available. It’s a good way to meet new people and have some fun.
Some useful maxims to live by: (Lorrie and I like the cheeky positivity of NLP and we’d like to share some of this wisdom with you)
‘There is no such thing as failure only feedback’. Such a great way to approach life! It supports me every time I get things ‘wrong’. For example, applying this to a situation where maybe I got a disappointing grade. Rather than thinking this is evidence that I am not good enough, to remind myself that it is now a great opportunity to learn how not to repeat the same mistakes and approach my work differently next time. It’s an opportunity to identify needs, tap into the available resources at the university and get skilled up.
‘If it’s possible in the world its possible for me, it’s just a matter of how’. There are many examples in the world of people achieving amazing things and reaching their personal goals. Sometimes we forget what drives us to where we want to be. If we refocus our attention of why our chosen topic is important to us, we can then access what is valuable and meaningful to us. Once we reconnect to our life purpose we can continue driving forward and stay positive.
A useful tip for people who are worried about worrying. Sometimes overthinking can be a problem because having too many choices prevents us from making a choice and we remain inert. It can be useful to reframe this ‘The person with the greatest flexibility of thought and behaviour will have the greatest influence in any interaction (Ashby’s Law of Requisite Variety). The things we think of are often limited by our own life experiences, thoughts and feelings. By listening, learning, and maintaining our curiosity, we can start to think beyond what we know. This leads to richer understandings, and a greater number of thoughts, feelings, behaviours and choices available to us.
People make the best choice available to them, given their model of the world and resources available to them at the time. This helps us to stop beating ourselves up over the mistakes that we make. Remembering this can also help us to develop patience when dealing with others, as we learn to accept that other people’s ideas and feelings are as important to them as ours are to us.
Remember that we’re here for you, if you need us. If you’re struggling just ask for help.
Student Minds have also produced some good information about coping with the transition to student life in the time of Covid.
The MH&WB Team: Bridget, Dave, Fred, Lauren, Lorrie, Nesta, Pat, Sarah, Shez, Tessa (in alphabetical order)
If you find yourself struggling to cope then there are a range of support services at the UoC. Of course reaching out to family and friends is usually a good idea as well. Even though you might not want to worry them, just think how you would want to help them if they faced a similar situation.
This blog has lots of information and tips on looking after yourself and improving your wellbeing, just take a look at the tags for the various topics. And we have also produced a list of self-help resources. If you’ve got to a point where you think you need professional advice and support then here is some information about Health and Wellbeing.
Information about the Mental Health and Wellbeing Team
About the Mental Health Team:
We had 600+ students make contact with us in the 2019-20; wanting help for a whole range of difficulties. These included low mood and depression, anxiety, panic and stress, relationship difficulties (with family, friends, colleagues, housemates, partners, etc.), current or historical abuse (sexual, physical, emotional), bereavement, homesickness, self-harm, drinking too much alcohol, eating problems, sleep problems, and a range of other emotional difficulties.
The team has practitioners from a range of professional backgrounds, with a wide range of therapeutic training, interests and experience. This includes Cognitive Behaviour Therapy (CBT), Person Centred Counselling, Integrative Counselling, Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP), Mindfulness Based Counselling, Solution Focused Therapy, Advocacy and Motivational Interviewing. 94% of students who have used our service would recommend it to a friend
Lake Windermere near the Ambleside Campus
How to access the service
You can access our service if you are registered with a programme of study at the University of Cumbria by completing this self-referral form, which should only take you about 10 minutes. (If you are studying on a programme at a partner organisation of the University of Cumbria, you will need to access the support services at that organisation). Filling in the form with as much information about you and your present situation as you can, will give the team a good starting point to help you work through your difficulties. The details you put on the form will only be available to the Mental Health and Wellbeing Team (unless you ask us to share it with others, for example your GP, or it is required by law – please speak to us if you have any concerns about this).
We will then get in touch to arrange a therapeutic consultation with one of our practitioners. Your appointment will come via the email address that you provide in the online form, so do check this regularly. To ensure the message gets to you rather than getting filtered as spam, please remember to check your spam/junk mail folder as well.
Please respond to the message by accepting the appointment date and time (or requesting to reschedule, if you can’t make the one offered). Please note that we will usually close a file if the student does not respond or not show up for their appointment, and in that case you will need to re-refer yourself.
At our first (therapeutic consultation) meeting we will try to make you feel as comfortable as possible, so that you can let us know the situation you’re struggling with. We will advise you on the limitations of the service, including the limitations of confidentiality. It will be an opportunity for you to ask any questions you may have of the services we provide. We will then suggest things that you could do to help, provide information about resources and other services that might be appropriate, and decide what else might be needed from our service.
It might be that a single session is all that is needed for you to begin to resolve your situation. Or one of our wellbeing courses might be the most appropriate thing to do. Or referred to other services within the University, or referred to specialist services external to the University. Or it might be that further 1 to 1 work is needed.
Complementing our service, there is also a free 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, online support service provided by Togetherall
Fridays 4:00 to 5:00 pm online, live via ‘Teams‘ – Starting on 25.9.20
We live in stressful times. There is just so much in the news and social media to cause us to worry. And then there are the stresses and strains of everyday living. University life is an exciting and positive time, and it comes with the challenges of a significant life transition, and academic work as well!
Here’s a fun and relaxing way to increase wellbeing and feelings of calm. Build skills to handle stress and improve mood.
Would you like to increase your coping skills? Is there a way to increase wellbeing and resilience? Here’s your chance to be kind to yourself and to create a nurturing space for yourself. We can’t ‘magic away’ the struggles of everyday life, but we can increase our ability to cope, and strength to face our challenges.
These sessions aim to introduce you to practical, easy to use, skills that can help to enhance your physical and mental wellbeing, and increase your ability to handle stress and manage difficult emotions.
The sessions offer ‘wellbeing hacks’ drawn from a wide range of sources – Movement & Yoga, Mindfulness, Breathwork, Compassionate Mind, CBT, Polyvagal Theory, EFT, Guided Imagery and the NHS Five Ways to Wellbeing:
Breathing and focusing techniques to help calm and centre
Simple mindfulness meditation practices to focus and quiet the mind
Visualisation techniques to increase feelings of wellbeing
Movement and postures that can settle emotions, and help us to feel more grounded
Learn how self-compassion and self-acceptance can be a key to wellbeing
Improve your memory, concentration and cognitive functioning
You will be offered resources to take away and practice to help strengthen these skills.
Back in March as part of University Mental Health day we asked students to tell us their Mental Health and Wellbeing tips.
Thank you to everyone who took the time to share their thoughts. We had lots of really good ideas and wanted to share your wisdom with other students, in your words (in a few places we’ve added a comment or a link). Here is what you told us:
Student tips on wellbeing included getting out for some exercise and fresh air
Take time for yourself, even when you “don’t have time”
Set aside some time in your day to do something for yourself that makes you happy… take the time to recharge your batteries and clear you mind for the next day
Make time for things you love
Look after yourself and give yourself time
Watch you fave Netflix show
Make sure you always speak out if needed
Take a nice relaxing bath, (or shower if no bath available)
Selfcare Sundays
You are the number one priority! Put yourself first and worry about others later, self-care before anyone else
Listen to music and relax (here’s a breathing exercise to do just that, from my colleague Pat Redfern)
The company of friends, it’s good to talk
The most important thing is to talk to a family member or trusted friend about what’s worrying you. Let them hug you and give you a shoulder to cry on
Spend time with people you love! (You’d be surprised how much evidence there is that kindness is good for us!)
Talking to people always helps
Keep very social with your friends so you’re never lonely
I walk my dog, and talk to family and friends about my worries
Talk about it, have a cup of tea and a nice chat (with biscuits)
Do things that make you happy and spend time with people that are supportive
Make sure you always have a date with a friend booked in the diary!
Having a good balance between finding time for yourself, and socialising with peers and friends
Be around people who care and they will help bounce you out of any bad feelings/moods
Just talk about it, people will listen and it’s a weight of your chest
Do not keep toxic people in your life, even if they are on your course
Mind your thinking, and learn to meditate
Take every day as it comes. If you’ve got things on your mind, switch off at night, write them down and put them aside, come back to them when the time is right. Don’t overthink every little thing, it will seem worse and spiral out of control
Practice mindfulness as a normal thing (Excellent idea! As well as lots of other benefits, mindfulness has been shown to help develop skills in stepping back from rumination (negative-overthinking) here’s a practice to get you started)
Think of a positive thing you’ve done today, even something small counts
Download the ‘headspace’ app. Take advantage of the sleep music and exercises
Accept yourself, there is only one of you
Small steps and a good balance
Start writing, rather than facing assignments as whole, less stressful, less full on
Get organised, and reward yourself with each step (this fits very nicely with suggestions in our procrastination blog)
Make sure you plan time well, so that you make time to step back and take time for yourself
Social life and studying should be evenly split
Take deep breath, get a cup of tea and make a plan, and start again
Get out in in the fresh air
Get some activities that are not to do with the university, like walking through the park or going to a place that calms you
Go for a walk whatever the weather!
Go for a nice walk
Walking with headphones
If you can take a break and get outside, even just 5 or 10 minutes away from a screen, getting some fresh air can clear a foggy mind
Spend time outdoors in nature
Go to the hills
Sleep well
Make sure you get enough sleep. Have a good regular amount of sleep
Give yourself time to relax and do a self-care routine, e.g. bath, read a book, pamper yourself
Have 20 minutes off your phone before bed every evening to help sleep. Try reading, drawing, knitting, sewing, talking to friend or yoga instead (yes definitely better than too much screen time)
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